. . . you have to take the stairs!This anonymous proverb embodies the rather timeworn idea that there are no shortcuts to achieving a goal; you have to get there step by step. We all know that isn’t true 100% of the time; once in a great while there’s a so-called “overnight” success. (Including, I guess, viral videos.)
I’ve been thinking for some time that there seems to be a paradox about what produces achievement. The boring, repetitive actions, followed consistently day after day, tend to produce great results, while the dramatic actions often produce . . . nothing much.
A classic example here would be drawn from the area of health and fitness: you can’t possibly train for a marathon, or lose 50 pounds, or even (ahem) lower your blood sugar without some type of long-term effort. But we don’t want to be told this, because we just want the result without having to go through the process. “Just give me the shortcut!” we cry.
And what about success in our relationships, whatever they may be? Again, we want something instant, especially in romantic ones. We want to fall in love and have that be that. But you live your life day after day. Good marriage counselors emphasize the importance of this concept: Gary Smalley has said that every sharp exchange is a wound on the relationship; John Gottman says that it takes five positive interactions to negate a negative one. So, as I was writing this post, the phone rang. It was my husband, stranded at the DMV. Could I find a phone number for him? It was somewhere on his desk. In a folder, he thought. He couldn’t remember the guy’s name. Hmmm. He patiently waited while I riffled through papers. No luck. No piece of paper with the information. I commiserated. He thanked me for looking. And we both went back to what we were doing. But a small coin had been added to the goodwill balance of our marriage.
Are you conscious of the impact your small actions have?