Not a very cheerful title, is it? I was sitting here pondering what would be a good subject for an end-of-week post when a Chopin waltz came on the radio, a piece that I labored over back in the days of my piano obsession. (After a fruitless search on the playlist and YouTube I decided that the exact opus number and title didn’t matter.) What a beautiful piece, and how much I wanted to be able to play it! The contrast between my labored and hesitant version, even after hours of practice, and the sprightly performance on the radio is pretty stark. I so wanted to be able to play it, and I so . . . couldn’t. Or any other of the pieces I longed to play. Finally, about five years ago (and it shouldn’t have taken me that long) I declared myself Free From Piano Playing. You may say, “Hey, why not just play for your own enjoyment?” But that’s like saying, “Why not play chess for your own enjoyment?” The fact is . . .
But the tug is still there once in awhile. I’ll think, ‘Why don’t I just sit down and try to play one of my old pieces?’ And I resist, rightly so. There’s no point to getting drawn back down that rabbit hole. I just don’t have the capability. Maybe it’s true that 10,000 hours of practice will make anyone an expert, as Malcolm Gladwell has said. So if I’d sat myself down at the nice used piano my parents paid all of $75 for when I was in junior high and practiced, as my mother kept urging me to do, maybe, just maybe . . . but no. I doubt that it would have made much difference. You ultimately end up doing what you love, at least if you have any choice in the matter at all. So what do I love? Planning menus and cooking, hands down. And writing about planning menus and cooking. And writing about other subjects. And learning music–but not playing an instrument. I’ve landed in a sweet spot where I get to do all of these things, what with singing in the Cherry Creek Chorale and doing their food stuff, writing this blog, and getting asked to cook for other events. (Upcoming wedding reception and women’s tea, for instance. I’m so thrilled!) Not everyone gets that kind of choice–I’m very blessed.
So there’s sadness with realizing that I’ll never be able to sit down at a piano and play beautifully, or even competently. I spent a lot of time coming to that conclusion, time that perhaps could have been spent better. And endured a lot of stress. That piano recital I played in at age 43 or so–I can still remember sitting there with a shredded kleenex, hoping my sweaty, trembling hands would stay the course once I got up on stage. I’m sure my poor husband can remember it, too. Was it worth the effort? I’m not sure that it was. (I did get through it okay.)
Do you have an abandoned passion that still tugs at your heart occasionally? Did you replace it with something better?
I love your great points! Being realistic is OK. i wanted to be a nurse practitioner, but decided to marry and have children instead, and am so thankful I went that route.
The recital performance actually went quite well. Debi was the first adult to have the guts to participate and in future years a number of adults followed her lead. It helped out our tiny church at the time. She also wound up writing a very insightful article on piano playing that helped a lot of people. Add in the self discipline and learning to play well and it seems clear the effort was worthwhile. All the more impressive to realize she could spend her time better using her primary talents.