The Joy of Being Heard

“What matters is not what is said, but what is heard.”

“I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.”

“If your students haven’t learned, you haven’t taught.”

Which is these statements do you agree with?  I was often reminded of the third one when I was a teacher myself, and while there’s some truth in it the students’ responsibility is ignored.  I can’t make my students learn.The middle statement is just plain wrong; I’m always getting myself into trouble by saying things that are misunderstood.  But the first statement is a valid principle, I think.  I had an experience yesterday in which I was truly heard, and because that happened I am probably on the way to overcoming a long-standing medical problem.

I won’t take the time to explain the whole issue as that’s not the point of this post.  Suffice it to say that for years I’ve been struggling with coughing, voice problems, ear pain, and a tight, scratchy feeling over the roof of my mouth.  I’ve gone to multiple doctors, including several ENT’s, and when I would try to describe my symptoms I would get either a blank stare or some diagnosis that turned out to be totally wrong.  There have been many unnecessary procedures and medications along the way.  No one seemed to be really listening to me.  I had pretty much resigned myself to having these problems for the rest of my life, as there didn’t seem to be any solution.  Recently, however, mainly because I developed yet another horrible cough and was nudged by a nurse friend (thanks, Ronnie!) to go to the doctor, I decided to make one more attempt to solve the problem.  Persistence pays, I guess.  A scope of my sinuses showed evidence of chronic infection; a sinus culture will show what the exact infectious agent is.  I’m starting today on 28 days of intensive antibiotics; if my symptoms haven’t cleared up by then I’ve been assured that further tests will be done.  Whew!  I feel better already, and I haven’t even taken the first pill.  I’ve been taken seriously.  My observations have been treated with respect.

We all want to be heard, to be listened to.  Laura Doyle, the relationship coach whom I’ve mentioned several times, says that one of the best things you can say to your husband when he’s spouting off even about something you find ridiculous is, “I hear you.”  Just listen, just receive.  People hate to have their ideas quashed.  You can always express an opinion if you’re asked.  And, from my point of view stemming from this current situation, don’t think you understand what’s being said when you haven’t really taken it in.  Ask questions.  Be courteous.  Show real interest.  You may be surprised at what you find out.