Oh man! What a morning we’ve just had! Have to mention this before I get into the meat of this post. So . . . we’ve had some plumbing issues sporadically since moving into this house, and the general opinion of the people who’ve looked at things was that the sewer pipe that goes out to the street was blocked with tree roots and also that a piece of the pipe (one of those old clay ones) had broken off and fallen down into the inside. It was therefore going to be necessary to dig a trench and replace that section of pipe. But that was going to cost several thousand dollars. And the system would be quiescent for months at a time. Plus I guess we were sort of thinking that we’d wait until spring. Guess what? Spring arrived some time ago.
And the flood arrived this morning. Well, perhaps not quite a flood. More of a welling up, from the drain in the furnace room. I was trying to do laundry and the system didn’t like that at all. So we’ve been doing lots of mopping (Jim), moving furniture (Jim) and stomping on towels over the relevant parts of the carpet (me). Just a little while ago there was another upwelling, and this time there wasn’t any direct cause that we could see—no dishwasher or shower going. So the whole process started up all over again. I have a load of wet towels in the dryer as I write this, and once they’re dry I’ll do some more stomping. And I took my car in this morning to the garage because the little engine symbol lit up, and they said I need a new catalytic converter. And the guy came this morning to give us an estimate for the new patio door to replace the heavy one without a screen that I have groused and complained about ever since we moved in, and my word! It cost about three times what I had sort of expected. All very First World problems, I remind myself.
Well, maybe I’d better get to the actual, like, subject of this post, which I mentioned yesterday was going to be another gem from Dana K. White, the author of the “A Slob Comes Clean” website. This time it’s from a post she wrote back in 2012 titled “The Biggest Slob Excuse of Them All (and How I Got Over It).” The item as a whole is all about blaming one’s messes on other people (O.P.), but that’s not the part that struck me. What did? Her story about her experience in college when she had to change schools her second year and missed the old one/didn’t like the new one. Here’s what she says about what she did when she came home on Thanksgiving break:
I knew that people would ask me how I liked my new school. I decided that I was going to say, “I love it.” Not “Well, it’s been hard, but I’m starting to make a few friends . . . ”
Saying “I love it” wasn’t the truth, exactly. But I decided that it wasn’t going to do me any good to quantify and clarify and blather on and on about the ups and downs of my semester. I was making a decision that I loved it. Even though I didn’t necessarily feel that way yet.
And do you know what happened? I came back from Thanksgiving break . . . loving it.
Making that decision to not give any “buts” totally changed my perspective, and I ended up absolutely loving the following three years.
She’s not advocating that you lie. Not exactly, anyway. What she’s addressing is the way we undermine ourselves for no good reason. I do the same thing all the time, especially when someone gives me a compliment. I “dig my big toe in the dirt.” I say, in essence, “Aw shucks. ‘Twarn’t nuthin.’” I point out that there wasn’t enough salt in the casserole or the meat was too spicy or whatever. As I say in my book, “Just say thank you.” Just as Dana decided to “just say I love it.” Sometimes—sometimes–your emotions follow along with your words. In a way, Dana was saying, “I[‘m determined that I’m going to] love it.”
I also really like that she decided ahead of time what she was going to say. What a practical piece of wisdom! She thought it through. She imagined the conversations she was going to have. And then she did what she’d said she’d do. (I often miss out on that last one.) It’s often so helpful to do that kind of decision-making. People who write about diet and weight control, for example, often advise that you decide ahead of time what and how many items you’re going to eat at a party and what you’re going to say if someone keeps pressing you to eat more. (“No thank you” and a change of subject is probably the best.) As I write this a fragment popped into my head from a video class I attended many years ago titled “The Seven Laws of the Teacher” by this truly great guy named Dr. Howard G. Hendricks. I just looked the video up on Amazon and unfortunately it’s available only on DVD and is quite expensive. There are a couple of books, though. (Don’t confuse this with “The Seven Laws of the Learner” by Bruce Wilkinson, which is probably just fine but not the material to which I refer.) Anyway, Dr. Hendricks (did I mention that he was truly great?) gave lots of practical examples about teaching, and one that has stuck in my mind is his advice on how to deal with someone in your class who wants to give input all the time and never lets other people participate. He suggested that you as the teacher talk to this person in private, but not to bawl him out. Instead, he said, ask the person what he thinks could be done to get more people involved in the discussions. Figure out how to incorporate at least one of his suggestions into your class. And then, in a totally counter-intuitive way, call on him in class to answer a question. He’ll be grateful and surprised that you did so, as he probably never gets called upon. And he’ll be reassured that his input is welcome. All of this great advice, though, requires that you as the teacher think through what you’re going to say ahead of time. I’d have to say that there have been some groups I’ve participated in that could have used this advice, although not ones which I’ve led—those, honestly and truly, have always been wonderful. But the problem could occur any day! Maybe I’ll spend the $99 Amazon is asking for in order to view the lessons again. I just went on YouTube and found a one-off video of him, but it’s not part of the “Laws.” It’ll give you a taste, though. He’s direct and passionate and energetic. Just great, as I said.
Are there stressful situations in your life that require you to do some proactive thinking?