Mother Daughter Me: A Memoir by Katie Hafner, Random House, 2013, available in several formats.
The planned book for this week didn’t come in on time, and as I was looking through my Evernote “blog ideas” notebook I came across a couple of voice recordings about this book that I listened to on Hoopla several weeks ago. I was reminded of how much I enjoyed it and learned from it, so here it is. Originally it came to my attention because I was doing some research on how to record audiobooks, and Hafner showed up somewhere describing her experiences in recording this one. She sounded funny and genuine, and so when the library had her book available I borrowed it and listened to it through many a gardening chore. I am somewhat of a memoir junkie; this is an exceptional one.
To call Hafner’s childhood “difficult” would be an understatement. She and her sister suffered through their parents’ divorce and then an incredible array of living arrangements, back and forth across the country, sometimes left to fend for themselves as their mother drank herself into oblivion, mostly after some disastrous affair or another. Hafner’s sister dove headfirst into the world of addiction and horrible relationships; Katie herself stayed on a more straightforward path, ultimately becoming a journalist. I don’t even want to try to describe all the ups and downs of her life because I couldn’t do it justice; what ultimately happens is that she tries to give her increasingly frail mother a home with her and her daughter. She thinks that somehow it will all work out, somehow she can forge a path of friendship and forgiveness with the woman who treated her so badly. Does it work? Well, I’m sure I’m not spoiling anything to say that no, it doesn’t, not really. You can’t just make living arrangements and hope that they go where you want them to.
But Hafner and her mother do come to a place of peace, of sorts. By the end of the memoir they have been able to talk about issues that have lain dormant for decades. There are never any easy answers, especially when a parent has so betrayed a child. But there is hope.
Here’s the quotation that I think sums up the book best, and perhaps it will stir enough interest that you will want to read the whole thing for yourself. (I can’t give a page number as this is from the audiobook.)
“I can pick and choose what I absorb and what I deflect, just like a color absorbs and deflects light rays.”