So, now that I have captured your attention with this picture (since the title may not have done so), let me tell you three stories about this type of behavior:
1. In Washington D. C. a group of friends is sitting in the back yard having a party. Suddenly the barrel of a gun appears between two of the women. The gunman points it at the head of one woman and then the other. “Give me your money!” he yells. “Give me your money or I’ll kill you!” The group is frozen. They can’t do what he wants because none of them has any money. Someone tries to reason with the guy: “Wouldn’t your mother be ashamed of you if she knew what you were doing?” “I don’t have a mother!” he screams. “Give me your money before I shoot!”
Then one of the women who’s had the gun pointed at her head speaks up: “Would you like a glass of wine?” The man is completely taken aback. He lowers the gun. “Yes, I would,” he says. He takes the glass, then eats some cheese. In the end, he says, “I think I came to the wrong place” and leaves, carefully
setting down the wineglass outside the gate. (There’s also a group hug in this story, but I’m trying to ignore that part.)
Listen to the entire story at the “Flip the Script” episode of Invisibilia on NPR.
2. A man tells a story about his mother, someone who was known for her concern for others and her total unflappability. One night she’s stopped by a mugger who threatens her and demands her money. “You have a hole in your shirt,” she responds. “Let me give you a safety pin.” The guy stands there while she roots through her purse. When she gives it to him he takes it and leaves. What else can he do? (I have no source for this story, unfortunately; it’s just one of those little bits in my magpie brain. I would love to track it down but have no real information. Just that one little scene.)
3. A scene from Lord of the Rings:
Galadriel the Elf Queen speaks to Gimli the dwarf:
“Dark is the water of Kheled-zâram, and cold are the springs of Kibilnâla, and fair were the many-pillared halls of Khazad-dûm in Elder Days before the fall of mighty kings beneath the stone.”
She looked upon Gimli, who sat glowering and sad, and she smiled. And the Dwarf, hearing the names given in his own ancient tongue, looked up and met her eyes; and it seemed to him that he looked suddenly into the heart of an enemy and saw there love and understanding.
All three of these stories exhibit the idea of noncomplementarian behavior: when, instead of responding in kind, someone decides to break the mold, to push back. (No justification of mugging is implied!) All three embody the principle stated in Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.”
Have you ever seen this principle at work? Could you invoke it more frequently in your own life?
I liked this. I hope I can remember these if I ever need to…!