. . . Let the more loving one be me.” W. H. Auden
So there I was, sitting in the dentist’s chair just about forever this afternoon, getting my once-every-five-years extensive x-rays, and this line popped into my mind.Another line from this poem: “How should we like it were stars to burn/With a passion for us, we could not return?” In other words, do we want to be loved, or to love?
It’s an interesting question. When you’re crazy about someone, and he/she’s sort of meh, well, aren’t you at your most energetic and creative? But if you’re the most beloved, then you can feel imposed upon, guilty, or uneasy. Or you can feel totally cosseted and comforted. It depends.
One of the big challenges in a long-term relationship, especially a marriage, is this very issue: Who loves the most? Who holds the most power? The ideal is a balance, but when does that ever happen? Sometimes the more loving person has to pull back and stand up. These ideas go back to Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson that I wrote about awhile back.
Well, must dash. That longer-than-anticipated time at the dentist has eaten into my writing time. I plan to write more on this fascinating subject.