I wrote last week about my disagreement with the concept of empathy. (Apparently Jonah Goldberg got a ton of hate mail on his column on the subject, including messages from people who didn’t read the article very carefully—or at all—and thought the book he was quoting was from a nasty conservative. Sigh.)
Anyway, I did something Saturday that one should never do on that day, which was go to Costco. It actually wasn’t too bad, as they always have the checkout lines fully deployed at busy times. (I used to say about the Costco in Virginia that it was as much as your life was worth to go there on a Saturday, and that they needed to have traffic lights at the intersections of the side aisles and the main one.) I got out to my car which was parked next to a cart return spot and realized I had a problem. The cart person had apparently fallen behind, and the line of carts stretched out about halfway into the road. Because of the way I had pulled in, my car was angled toward the carts. I tried backing out, but it was clear that I couldn’t get past them. Well, I though, I’ll pull back in and try to straighten myself out. Just then a woman came up to my window and motioned me to roll it down. “Do you need help?” she asked. She’d been loading up her car and noticed my dilemma. “There’s an empty space behind you,” she said. “I can direct you into it if you’d like.” I hadn’t noticed the space, so it was very helpful to have it pointed out. She motioned me out, I pulled partway into it, she said, “Now you’re clear,” and I was on my way. I would have eventually gotten out, if for no other reason than that the carts would have been moved. Or I would have gone back and forth a few times, thoroughly irritating the people trying to get past me. Maybe at some point I would have noticed the empty space.
But I thought this woman’s kindness and helpfulness was a good addition to the whole idea of empathy vs. sympathy. She showed neither, really. She didn’t spend any time commiserating with me but instead did something practical to help. I wouldn’t even have noticed the situation had I been she, or if I had, I’d have probably thought, “Why is that woman doing all that weird backing and forthing?” I would probably also have been hesitant to offer help even if I had figured out what was going on. What if the person didn’t appreciate my offer? By the time I’d decided what to do, the other person would have maneuvered herself out and gone.
Such a good reminder to be on the lookout for opportunities to help, and such a nice gesture that made me smile as I went home!